This story begins not too long ago and not far away. Just to the north of here there is a country where it is winter for 7 long moths of the year. Now this particular winter had gone on much longer than usual and the people were beginning to run out of food and firewood. Inside one small house right out in the barren snow lands an old lady was beginning to get anxious. (Now you have to put on old lady and old man voices, get anxious and rub your hands a lot as if cold). “Oh, my husband I am so cold and hungry. Look at me my hands are blue! I am going to die I am sure of it.”
“Don’t worry my darling, winter will be over soon, we will have food again” But the old lady looked very ill and continued to get anxious. Eventually the old man agreed, “Very well my darling I will go and search for food. But before I go you must promise me one thing. You must not use the last two logs we have for the fire, we will need them to cook the food on when I return”
“Okay, okay I agree just go, please find food”
With that the old man went out in search of food. Time passed and the old man did not return, the fire was beginning to get lower and lower.
Where is he? I’m hungry! I’m freezing! I am sure I will die” (rub hands a lot) Then the old lady had an idea.
“If I put just one of the logs on the fire he will be back soon and then we will still have one to cook the food with. Yes, yes that’s what I’ll do.”
The old lady picked up one log and placed it on the fire. “Oh that’s much better, I’m so warm, he’ll be back with food soon”.
The old lady forgot how hungry she was as she sat close to the warm fire. But more time passed and still her husband did not return. It was beginning to get dusk outside and again the fire was getting lower and lower.
“Where is he? He must have found food and eaten it. I am going to be left here to freeze!” (Lots of rubbing and groaning)
Then the old lady had another idea.
“He must be back soon. If I put the last log on the fire it will be hot and ready to cook on when he returns”. With that the old lady put the last log on the fire. (Make whooshing sound and cries of happiness) But more time passed and the old man was not back. The last log began to burn lower and lower until all that was left was a tiny flicker.
The old lady got closer and closer to the fire. Then suddenly “Ouch” she burnt herself on it and began to bleed. She placed the finger in her mouth to lick it (make this action)
“MMMMh this tastes good.” Then the old lady began to chew (make chewing action up hand). “Mmmm so good.” And chew, up her arm, and around her body (act all this out – lots of chewing and mmhhing noises) until all that was left was a skeleton.
“Mmhh that was so good, I feel much better but I’m still hungry.” Just at that moment she heard a rustling outside and the door opened. In came her husband with 2 rabbits in his hand.
“Look my wife I found foooo—–”
The old lady ran towards him and grabbed the rabbits. Mmmh these are good. MMhh MMhh (mime chewing rabbits) My husband I’ve just realized how meaty you are. Come here I want to eat you. I want Meat!”
With that the old man burst out the door and ran into the frozen wastelands as fast as he could. Behind him the old lady was running. “I want meat, I’m going to eat you.” Luckily the old man could run fast and began to escape his wife. He ran further and further into the snow. In the distance was the sound of the old lady.
“I want meat. I’m going to eat you!” (Each time you do this grab the arm of a member of the audience and fake chew it – you should be on your feet all the time now and miming the running actions.)
Suddenly the old man came to the edge of a huge gorge that went as far as he could see that way (look) and as far as he could see that way (look). There was no way across and coming closer was the sound of the old lady.
“I want meat. I’m going to eat you” (attack audience again)
Then the old man noticed a small wooden cottage. He ran to it and banged on the door. The door opened on a chain and a woman could be seen inside. “Yes. How can I help you?”
“It’s my wife. She’s gone crazy she’s going to eat me” (act very panicked) “Very well I will help you but first you must bring me a bucket of water.” “What, she’s going to eat me and you want water?”
The old man searched around and found a bucket to get some water from the well. He took it to the woman who pulled out a ladle from her pocket and dipped it into the water.
“AAhh yes. Very good. Now I will help you”
In the distance the sound of the skeleton lady was very close “I want meat. I’m going to eat you!” (attack audience)
The woman stood on the edge of the gorge and stamped her feet into the ground. Then she reached out and stretched (say this word long and slowly as you stretch out) to the other side and grabbed onto a tree. “Now you may cross.”
The old man walked carefully across the lady’s back (mime this) and reached the other side. Then the woman let go and PING went right back to the other side. She returned to her house.
Just then the skeleton lady arrived at the gorge. “I will get you my husband. I will eat you. I want Meat!” She banged on the door of the house. “Yes. Can I help you?”
“You are too skinny to eat. You will help me cross the gorge.”
“Very well I will help you but first you must bring me a drink of water.”
“Help me now or I’ll eat you anyway.”
With that the woman stood on the side of the gorge and stamped her feet into the ground. She stretched across and grabbed onto the tree. The old woman began to run across.
“I want meat. I will eat you.” When she was halfway across the woman let go and PING went back to the start.
” I want meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..” (Fade off and then crash to ground) CRASH the skeleton lady fell to ground and shattered to a million pieces.
(Say next part of story very slowly and quietly) Now I said that I said that this happened not too long ago and not too far away. It is said that there is a little bit of magic in each piece of the skeleton lady’s bone and that one day they will join together and come in search of…ÛMEAT” (jump and attack audience then end)